Christmas is back, like every year, with its good intentions, meetings, parties, laughter and gifts. But all this alleged merriment that seems to take over towns and cities does not apply to everyone. Some spend the holiday season watching the calendar and awaiting that day when the Christmas lights stop twinkling and the carols go silent. Indeed, these holidays can lend themselves to attacks of sadness and melancholy, even depression. But why? Doesn't this time of year provide the perfect excuse to be a little happier? Unfortunately, things are not that simple.

The first reason that feelings of sadness arise are memories of loved ones who are no longer with us, or with whom we cannot spend this Christmas. Add to this some people's tendency to idealize the past and think that Christmas with a certain lover or friend were better. Experts say one way to avoid sadness is to value what we have right now, be it a new friend or a new city. Nothing will ever be exactly like it was last year, but not just in the bad sense, also in the good sense. So it is important to keep things in perspective and stop thinking things always use to be better.

The fact that Christmas falls at the end of the year just adds fuel to the fire. It is a time for looking back on the year, and if things have not gone the way we had expected feelings of failure and sadness are accentuated. Another factor is loneliness, which is even harder to deal with when it seems everyone is surrounded by loved ones. In any case it is hard not to find a friend or acquaintance to celebrate Christmas with. So it is important to get out and be with people, and don't hesitate to take the initiative to have dinner or even just talk.

Another way to keep the holidays from bringing sadness is to try identify exactly what it is that makes them so hard for us, don't get caught up in the inertia of negative feelings and try to do something different that makes these holidays different from those or previous years. It is not a question of denying feelings, but rather making room for new emotions, as recommended by psychologists. Nor should we fall into the trap of thinking that happiness is everywhere because that is what we see on TV and in the department stores. That perfect world of commercials and beautiful people does not exist.

Some of those who experience the holidays as a nightmare do so because of stress: constant coming and going, decisions on what gifts to buy, organizing meals and family reunions, etc. More than a pleasure, they become hard work that ends up exhausting and depressing. To avoid this there is nothing better than planning and organization. Don't leave your gift shopping for the last minute, and choose dishes that can be prepared ahead of time so you can enjoy the meal at the dining table, not in the kitchen while others savor what you have cooked.

And don't think that just because it's Christmas, family grudges and quarrels are just going to disappear. If it is unbearable to get together with certain people, then don't do it. Try to celebrate Christmas with people you really want to be with, or at the very least limit time spent with people you don't like. It is a time of peace, and in this case peace begins within oneself.